A Snake and a Swindling Rat
by Rubens Lilium
Summary: One-shot. Malcho catches the scent of an intruder trying to sneak his way into the palace, but the trespasser isn't exactly someone he's fully prepared to confront. Their interrogation takes a turn which not even Malcho was expecting.


**Disclaimer** **: I do not own any of the original Aladdin characters, nor do I own the settings involved with them. I only own Alisha, Jerky and Rat.**

 **Author's Note : **Hey guys! I know, I know. Another one-shot? Yup, this just happened again :) I had a lot of fun writing this one, so I hope you guys have fun reading it. I recommend listening to "Laughter and Merriment" from Kingdom Hearts II while you read this. It really fits the mood.

 **To those who are reading this for the first time and do not understand why Malcho is in the palace and why some of these characters are with him, I suggest you read my other story "A Change of the Heart" to better understand the situation.**

* * *

 **A Snake and a Swindling Rat**

Night had fallen smoothly as always. Stars shimmered on the black canvas like millions of diamonds, surrounding a bright moon that was split down the middle that shined down upon the palace of Agrabah. On a night so peaceful, it was easy for one to close their eyes and let sleep come over them.

But that one wasn't Malcho.

He was sprawled out in a way that wouldn't aggravate his wounds as he lay under the tall tree he'd claimed his resting spot whilst he recovered. Malcho glanced down at his coils to see Jerky fast asleep.

He wasn't sure why the idea popped in his head — out of boredom, maybe — as Malcho suddenly started playing with the mouse's ears. He gently bent one of them forward and the other backwards and watched them pop themselves back into their original forms.

Jerky never stirred once.

Malcho did this a few times until he grew bored with it. Then he started messing with Jerky's tail, pulling it forwards, and then dropping it on top of the mouse's head. He'd lift it only to drop it again. Lift, drop, lift, drop, lift, drop….

Jerky was still deep in his sleep.

The serpent finally stopped, resting his chin in the palm of his good wing, and quietly sighed.

"Annoying you would be more enjoyable if you were awake," Malcho muttered under his breath. He slightly envied Jerky's naivety in the environment. It must be nice to sleep anywhere without worrying about what was around you, or, possibly, watching you.

Malcho knew he would never know how that felt. He'd always been a light sleeper, thanks to the nagging paranoia reminding him that nightfall was the time when the truly relentless and bloodthirsty predators were on the prowl.

Even now he was feeling a sense of déjà vu.

An unwelcoming air surrounded the palace. Nearly everyone in there had it against him, and Malcho had to admit…he felt _very much_ outnumbered. If someone in there wanted him gone, then bringing up a hunting party wouldn't take much time.

Malcho's eyes narrowed as he became tense.

He'd been on edge every night. And with that feeling, came a lack of sleep. As much as he wanted to lay his head down and fall into the heaviest rest imaginable, it was impossible under this raving paranoia. It constantly whispered possibilities in his head — that he'd never wake up again if he even dare close his eyes.

Malcho could only exhale again, and turn his head to the side.

 _If I'm not going to get any sleep tonight —_ again _, at least let something entertaining happen…_

As if a gracious force heard his thoughts, a sound caught Malcho's attention a few minutes later.

It broke his current train of thought — which had gotten rather boring — and brought his full attention towards the palace once again. That's where the sound came from, at least. He looked around with his tongue flicking out. There was indeed a scent in the air, a very pungent odor. Malcho wasn't sure if it was human, but he wasn't going to let uncertainty dull his focus.

Without looking, Malcho harshly rocked his coils, startling Jerky wide awake. He didn't appreciate his sleep getting disturbed, and he gladly let the serpent know by squeaking a few colorful and angry words at him.

Malcho immediately shushed him and asked him what he smelled.

Despite his confusion, Jerky complied and sniffed at the air. He stopped, catching the weird odor, and then sniffed again to make sure he wasn't just imagining it.

He turned to Malcho with a perplexed squeak.

The Quetzalcoatl shook his head slowly.

"I don't know," he replied in a quiet voice. "I can't place the smell. So, I suppose…"

He risked giving the mouse a side-glance before he raised an eyes crest at him.

"All the more reason to go and investigate, yes?"

Jerky nodded in agreement with his notion. Whatever had brought that smell needed to be found, in case its personality was as friendly as its odor was to their noses.

Malcho's stealthily made his way around the palace, following the direction the scent seemed to be coming from. Jerky, on top of his head, served as a second pair of eyes and nostrils. He surveyed and smelled when Malcho was busy moving quietly behind the cover of trees and bushes. He checked with the mouse to make sure the scent was still coming from the same direction. He didn't want to give the target a chance to make a move.

Jerky took in a deep inhale through his sensitive nose. He confirmed the target was still in place.

It just may be at the front doors. The serpent figured, seeing as they were halfway around the palace. It would be a good spot to check first. If there was the possibility the target had gone inside the palace, Malcho knew Jerky could take the reins from there.

But he wasn't going to give their target that chance.

Malcho picked up his speed and made his way to the front of the palace. Within a couple minutes, he made it to their destination. Peeking from behind a large rock beside the stairs, Malcho and Jerky investigated the sight. The scent had become much stronger, which meant the target had to be around here somewhere.

The dark didn't hinder the serpent's or the mouse's vision, not even when they both spotted a black figure moving in front of the doors.

Malcho believed it was Zadesh for a heartbeat, but he disagreed with the idea in an instant. No, that was absolutely absurd. Although Zadesh would doubtlessly commence with any plan he'd conjure up late at night when hardly anyone was prepared for him, he wasn't stupid enough to just go through the front doors. It was obvious the figure was alone — another thing Malcho knew Zadesh was intelligent enough _not_ to do. And there was certainly no way Zadesh would even try to wholly initiate with his plan _without_ eliminating Malcho beforehand.

Only an idiot who didn't think their plan out all the way through would do something like that.

The thought only made Malcho more eager to confront their late-night visitor.

He started up the stairs quietly. Malcho couldn't help his eye crests from crinkling, for he could hear the stranger's frustrated mutterings very clearly from halfway down.

" _Man!_ These doors are _a lot_ harder to open than I thought they'd be! _Hughh!_ "

Malcho and Jerky saw the stranger's back. He looked like he would come up to an averaged sized human's waist, if not an inch below that (Malcho and Jerky were anything _but_ experts when it came to determining height; the world seemed too small to Malcho while it seemed too big for Jerky.) The stranger's disheveled hair was as black as Malcho's, coming down to the middle of his back in a greasy mess. They might have learnt one of the possibly many sources of the odor…. He wore a long, dark brown garment that covered most of his back — all except for a lengthy, skinny tail exactly to that of a rat's.

The two gaped at the stranger for a moment. Well, that answered one of Malcho's questions:

The smell certainly wasn't coming from a human.

The stranger was too busy struggling with one of the doors to notice them behind him. They waited to see if he'd catch on to their presence…. Malcho quickly got tired of looking at his back. He cleared his throat loudly before asking:

"Having trouble, amigo?"

Surprisingly, the stranger waved a hand dismissively in the air. He responded to Malcho in grunts as he still tried to pry open the door, "Nah, man. I think I've almost got it. I just need to put a little more elbow grease into it is all. But thanks for offerin'."

Malcho blinked, dumbfounded. He looked up at Jerky, who was giving the stranger a flabbergasted stare as well. Malcho wasted no time. He slithered close enough for his shadow to drape over the stranger completely, which irritated him for just a few moments.

"Hey, c'mon man," he complained as he started to turn around, "I said I got it, so how 'bout you do me a favor and piss o…."

It was then the stranger finally saw what he was about to tell to 'piss off'. The insult fell short. It stopped right on the edge of his tongue, where it dared not be finished. He stared up at Malcho with wide-eyes of puzzlement, as if trying to figure out what kind of creature he was before the terror had the chance to settle in.

Malcho studied the stranger's face. The tail was the true indication as to just exactly what the stranger was — a rat. He had a skinny muzzle that of a rat's, ears with a few clips here and there like a rat's, jagged whiskers like a rat, round-shaped eyes similar to a rat's.

Malcho was addressing a rat in a trench coat slightly too big for him, with dozens of pockets on almost the entire coat. Most of which seemed poorly sewn on.

It finally registered to the rat-creature that Malcho was something to be afraid of and he let out a shrilling shriek. He pressed himself against the door, looking at the serpent with cold-blooded terror. Every inch of him trembled. Even his twisted whiskers seemed to be shaking.

Malcho put on an intimidating front, but he was all grins on the inside. Oh, how this never got old. He had missed seeing smaller creatures tremble before him. It inspired Malcho to really scare him now.

He brought his head close and high. The rat had to look up to meet his venomous stare. Malcho caught him swallowing a large gulp. It was apparently restraining his voice as he suddenly started prattling —

"Well, hello there, my good sir!" the rat greeted loudly, obviously trying not to panic. "And how are we this fine night?"

He grinned at Malcho, putting up his own front.

Malcho saw right through it, his spoor a dead giveaway. He glanced at Jerky. The little mouse shook his head. He trusted the rat just as much as Malcho did, which wasn't very much.

Their lack of response didn't stop the stranger from going on with his cheap words.

"I know what you must be thinkin': 'Why's there someone trying to get inside the palace late at night?' Well, no worries about that, my scaly friend. I happen to work here."

Even a naïve child could tell he was lying, but there was just _something_ about this guy.

Malcho faked interest. "Do you?"

The rat nodded as he tried to pry the door open with a hand behind his back. He seemed to know better than to turn his back on Malcho.

"Yes. You see, I am the-the maid. And I am late for work."

"So it seems." Malcho cocked his head, "An entire day late."

"Oh, yeah. I-I mean, no. No, you see I work here _at_ night, 'cause you know how royalty can be — they like waking up to a place spick and span."

"All by yourself?"

"What can I say? If you want somethin' done right, am I right?"

The rat chuckled. It died down when Malcho didn't laugh along. He stared at the serpent, noticing the dubious look in his eyes. His hand dropped to his side, followed by another nervous gulp. Then, finally, the panic registered.

"Look, man, if you're gonna eat me then just do it already! Alright? What are you, some kind of sadist? Don't beat around the bush!"

The stranger, accepting of his fate, braced himself. He shut his eyes tightly so he wouldn't have to watch the horror.

"I've lived a long life — could've been better — but I'm not complaining! So just get it over with!"

Malcho blinked at him, slightly baffled. This wasn't going at all how he anticipated. Although he wasn't going to kill him, he was expecting a bit more terror, and a few pleas for mercy here and there; maybe even a bargain or two. But this guy had completely warped his expectations.

Malcho wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

"I make it apparent to avoid eating things that give off a repulsive odor." Malcho replied, callous to the rat's distress.

"Hey!" he shouted, now overcome with anger, "Now I know I don't smell like a bed of roses but I don't smell _'repulsive'_ , Mr. High and Mighty! You try finding a place to bathe in a stone-dry desert and we'll see how fragrant you are after a few weeks!"

Malcho sarcastically smiled.

"That is quite a lot pluck for a _rata._ "

"'Rata'?" the stranger questioned. Then he scoffed at Malcho. "I don't even know what that means — HEY! I take offense to that!"

Malcho's smile only grew. This rat wasn't as stupid as he looked, which made this all the more fun.

"Just because I don't speak — _whatever_ you said that in — doesn't mean I don't know when I've been insulted. Besides, I'm not the one with a rodent as a second head!"

Malcho heard Jerky start to growl, and chuckled as he saw the rat creature's mouth snap shut.

"I would be careful, mi amigo." Malcho warned. "This rodent may not have a bark, but his bite speaks for him. Now…"

Malcho swiftly wrapped his tail around the rat creature's waist, bringing him close to eye level. He could taste his fear as he shied away from Malcho's piercing gaze.

"I will personally see you out."

"Now-Now wait a moment there, friend!" the rat called. He gave a cheap smile. "I think we got off on the wrong foot! You seem like a very intelligent and understanding individual — how about we make some sort of negotiation?"

Malcho raised a curious but suspicious eye crest.

"I need to get inside the palace — which I promise has nothing to do with anything — and you obviously want me gone. Both of those things can happen. For a very reasonable price, I'm sure I can offer you somethin' that'll change your mind about tossing me out!"

"What —"

"Now, I know what you're thinkin': 'What can he possibly offer to the likes of me?' Right? Well, today — woops, I meant, _tonight_ is your lucky night!"

Malcho, bitter from being cut off, watched as the rat began desperately searching through all the different pockets he could reach.

"I have in my possession a very special, very-very valuable, genuine, beneficial, incredibly potent — the hell did I put it? — truest to the bluest blue, _not_ a cheap imitation — AHA! —" he momentarily paused with his hand in a pocket —"I offer you this beautiful piece of work I got all the way from the city of love itself: _'cœur Bouchon'!_ "

He pulled out a tiny, dark blue glass vial before Malcho. He squinted at the tiny writing on it, but he couldn't understand the language it was written it.

The rat explained, "A new for men. Made with fragrances alluring to the nose, it's guaranteed to catch the attention of any woman whose heart you wish to win; a good conversation starter, especially for the shy and inexperienced. Do not use if you have a fear of commitment."

Malcho gave a scowl, thoroughly unimpressed.

"Ah, c'mon!" the rat prodded. "You're tellin' me there ain't one woman you've got an eye on?"

Malcho's scowl lightened.

"Here," he opened the vial and offered it to him, "you be the judge."

Malcho considered for a moment. His curiosity got the better of him, and he took the vial. He felt Jerky's judgmental stare as he took a smell. He instantly regretted it.

"Ugh!" he gagged. "That smells awful!"

"Indeed, but a woman would beg to differ."

"Only if she had no sense of smell!" he coughed as the smell stung his nostrils. He took the rat in a tighter hold, starting down the steps.

"Wait, wait a minute there, my friend!" the stranger shouted, trying to wriggle out of Malcho's grip. "Since you're not so impressed with the cologne, I've got a perfume here! Works the same as the cologne, but instead of women it lures in —"

Malcho didn't give him the chance to finish. He threw him over the wall, showing not a shred of mercy, even when he heard a loud, painful-sounding crash.

* * *

After that, Malcho found it easier to fall asleep. But there was a curiosity nagging at him throughout the day, so, during the middle of the day, he decided to ease his burning curiosity.

Malcho waited beside the tree, his tail beating in a rhythmic pattern. He kept his eyes peeled, patiently waiting. Sitting on a branch that was near his head, Jerky stared at Malcho with his paws crossed. The serpent tried to ignore the mouse, but that was easier said than done. He glanced at him. Jerky eyes were narrowed; Malcho could only imagine the demoralizing things he was saying about him in his mind.

"Don't look at me like that," Malcho told him. "This is embarrassing enough."

Jerky squeaked a question.

"I told you why I am doing this." Malcho answered, keeping his eye out.

The mouse shook his head at him, rolling his yellow eyes.

Malcho was a heartbeat away from hissing, until he heard her.

"Malcho!"

He looked forward to see Alisha heading his way, waving a wing at him and smiling.

"Here she comes," he whispered. Ducking behind the tree, Malcho grabbed the cologne and quickly rubbed some of it on his neck. He happened to see Jerky's judgmental stare deepen.

"I am only doing this to prove a theory," he said, dropping the vial out of sight. "That is all."

Jerky only rolled his eyes again. This was going to backfire, he could already tell.

"Malcho," Alisha called again.

"Amiga," he greeted, slithering around the tree.

"Hey, how are…" Alisha stopped in front of him, her smile gone. "What in the…what's that smell?"

Malcho played dumb, raising an eye crest at her and cocking his head slightly, "Smell?"

"You don't smell that? It's so overpowering, and…"

Malcho braced. "And what?"

"Awful!" she finally exclaimed, covering her nose.

Malcho inwardly jolted.

She backed up and started looking around to find where the smell was coming from.

"It smells like something died around here, ugh! Can't you smell that, Malcho?"

Malcho blinked, a million different but useless excuses running through his head. "Er, well…you don't like this at all?"

"What? _No._ I'd have to have no sense of smell to even tolerate it."

The irony practically smacked Malcho across the face. He saw Jerky face palm in the corner of his eye. He tried not to show his now deflating confidence.

"That's what I thought…"

It was the first time Malcho would admit — even to himself — was a very poor idea.

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